Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
