wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
