Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
