the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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