ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
