Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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