No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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