She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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