No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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