I puked a lego.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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