I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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