you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
