Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
im having a threesome with these popsicles
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
