can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just invented taco cereal.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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