I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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