Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
