I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
