I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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