hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
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I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
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Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So much Jack, so little girl.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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