this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
