i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
