shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
