Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
