To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
