I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
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He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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