they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
