can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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