seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
