Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
