Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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