No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
