At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
