Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
