oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
