I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
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Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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