Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
