I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
