he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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