Your mouth is God's brothel.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
