booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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