Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
