He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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