She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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