I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
