Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
