Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
