Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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