Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
