This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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