Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
