i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
