I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
