I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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