an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
