Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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