When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
