I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
