think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
