I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
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I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
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I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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