none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
