I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
