i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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