I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
